Thank You

I haven’t been writing or reading much on Substack and I’ve missed it. I like it here, mostly. But life right now for me is the hardest it’s ever been, because I’m losing both of my parents to dementia, and watching them lose themselves, and I haven’t been able to find those pockets of hope which allow me to escape into a memory or anecdote, and write. Maybe sometimes it’s better not to feel like I have to try to.

I have been playing my violin though. I’m super grateful to be able to, and it helps. Maybe because it’s such a physical expression. Writing is in my head, and playing music is too, but it’s also in my body, which makes all the difference. I love to practice—which mostly means just playing along with recordings, closing my eyes, and thinking of England.

When I was little I asked my dad why he didn’t play the violin and he said he was “too lazy” but assured me that, if he could play, he’d be the best in the world. I think this might have been a joke lifted from Pride and Prejudice where Lady Catherine says, about the piano: “If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient.”

Me too, Lady Catherine, me too.

Here is a little montage of some of my less excruciating Practice Moments. If you watch it you might notice that I missed a few high notes. Please know that if I had hit them, they’d have sounded amazing. Thank you.